SEVEN THINGS I WOULD LIKE THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT TO SAY ON AN AIRPLANE

  1. The plane is not full and feel free to spread out.
  2. The Chippendales are on board for your entertainment.
  3. It is 5 o’clock somewhere. Open bar!
  4. The entire plane has been wiped down and disinfected right before your arrival.
  5. In case of an emergency landing, the Captain is Scully.
  6. After take-off, we will have a dance party.
  7. Would you like to change seats to first class and sit in 3A next to Mr. Gosling?

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